Dear Brain,
Wallowing in my skull with nothing yet everything to still do. On constant alert but in the threshold of consciousness day and night. How have you not physically exploded by now? I wish there was an easier way to understand what more you could need from me.
This past spring…what even happened to you? Did you find a new home or did you just go on an extended spring break without me? We used to be such a great duo. Did our partnership mean nothing to you? How could you let me and everyone watching us down? Was it the loud chaos of my childhood home? Was it the blinding blue-light glaring from the computer screen? Was it the loneliness?
I miss our old dynamic where we could breeze through any task presented to us. School was our specialty and everyone loved that about us. Do you think they’re disappointed?
Look at you now, essentially on life support. You only function by the assistance of prescribed Prozac and Adderall. Pitiful, one could say, and some already have. How did you forget an entire 6 months of time? That is painfully impressive. You chug coffee like it’s going out of style but do absolutely nothing with the chemical benefits it provides. I know you love it though considering a Starbucks is the one place where the lights finally flicker on.
I even found an interpreter for us. Could you please stop blocking her from digging in to translate? Our body would greatly appreciate it. Despite all your attempts of blocking her next move, she has been able to learn your patterns. She is slowly understanding why you block her out, and the wall you’ve created will tumble soon. She may not know how we used to be together but she sees who we have become. She welcomes our annoying, dissociated, anxious, irrational thoughts with open arms. She is prepared for anything we have up our sleeves.
You wrinkly, pink, no good hunk of who knows what…I’m sorry. I apologize for not being kinder to you. I promise to do better to understand your overly complicated signals. I want us to take a new form to match best with our new life, however it may manifest.
Signed,
Your Humble Abode