Dear Black and White Communities at UNC,
Am I the only one who feels that they are constantly at war with themselves? Feeling like they have to choose a side? Feeling like they have to choose between black and white? Why can’t I be both? What is so wrong with identifying with who am I? Why am I not good enough? Why am I not accepted? Probably not in the same ways I have because of you.
These questions pop into my mind at the most random of times. Since I came to UNC, these questions pop up more frequently than they used to. As I stepped foot on UNC’s campus, I expected to be accepted with open arms from White and Black folks alike. More the Black ones than the White ones if I am being honest, but nonetheless alike. However, I soon came to realize I was very wrong. It truly feels like I am too white for the black kids and too black for the white kids. I have never felt more othered than I have on this campus. The sad part is, I feel bad about it. Why is that?
I soon came to realize that I would not be accepted by the white students here the way that I thought I would. We did not have much in common besides my mother, avocado toast, and The Bachelor. I didn’t really think that I could build long-lasting relationships based on the commonalities that we did have. So, I naturally decided that I would try black students. I joined BSM, was the head of a committee, went to black student events, but again, nothing. It was getting to the point where I felt I have had to force myself to be someone I am, not just for people to like me. Quite honestly, I feel like that is what many of us have been forced to do. Instead of showcasing ourselves for who we really are, we have forced ourselves to either fully identify as black or white. Why is that?
I want to be proud of my German mother and my Black dad, but ya’ll won’t let me? (Yes, I am speaking to both the Black and White community here at THE University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill). Why do you feel like I have to be either 100% or I am instantly excluded? Why do I have to prove myself to you? Why can’t you just accept me for who I am? Guess what, though. I AM proudly biracial. It is a constant tug-of-war, but I would not trade it for the world. I love who I am, and I am proud to be who I am. Whether y’all like it or not. That is something that you will not take from me, and if that means that we can’t be friends, then bye. I never needed y’all anyway.
Kisses,
Aaliyah Lee