Dear College Expectations,
Where do I begin with you. I don’t even know when you and I started to get to know each other. I flirted with you a little bit before I started college, but things didn’t start to get serious until I got here. You’ve definitely changed since we first met. I’ve learned a lot about you. You’ve made me compare myself to others and doubt my own happiness. A lot of our relationship was unconsciously what I thought the perfect “white college experience” should look like. I didn’t want to admit that, but I guess what better time to confess it than in a letter to you.
I guess you could say our relationship is kind of unhealthy. My parents even pushed us together, which is a dynamic I’m still trying to understand. We didn’t have much substance, and yet I was more dependent on you for happiness more than I would care to admit. We got along pretty well at first. Every relationship has their bumps in the road, and I overlooked the bumpiness between us at the start. But sophomore year- things changed. I caught you cheating on me with instagram-my other on and off relationship- and I didn’t know who I was without you.
I still think about you more than I wish I did. But I’m learning to accept what our relationship has looked like. As much as I wish I could get rid of you, I know I can’t do that. You’ve always been at my shoulder, and you’ve seen the growth throughout these years. I’m not the same person I was when I met you. I’ve learned more about life, about injustice, about this world.
I know they say you shouldn’t try to change someone, and I would say it’s you who needs to change. But let’s be real, our relationship just reflects me. Well, and society. But that’s a letter for another day.
Sincerely,
A college junior