Devotions

Sometimes life is hard, and it feels like God is nowhere to be found. It’s like you’re calling out to Him, but He seems a million miles away. That’s how I’ve felt over the past few weeks—like the more I reach out, the farther He seems.

This past Sunday, the preacher spoke on 2 Chronicles 36:5-15 which covers how several kings eventually did evil in the eyes of the Lord. The preacher highlighted two key points: first, the true King is always on His throne in heaven; second, we need to trust in God’s timing. It was a good message, but honestly, in the mood I was in, I thought, Yeah, I’ve been hearing about trusting His timing for years. Thanks. But then the preacher said something that really stood out to me—he mentioned the 400-year gap between the Old and New Testament. The last book of the Old Testament spoke of the coming Messiah, and then, there were 400 years of silence. He compared that gap to the waiting periods we go through, saying, “Maybe you’re in a waiting period that feels like that 400-year span.”

He was right. I felt like I was stuck in that silent period, waiting for God to speak to me. I left church that day feeling seen, but still not any closer to God. I won’t lie—I was bitter. I questioned why God wasn’t answering me or why I was going through what I was. You probably know that feeling, even if you don’t want to admit it.

To be honest, I hadn’t been reading my Bible like I should have. The only reason I opened it that Tuesday was because I had a devotion to read for my Bible study and needed to get it done. I wasn’t expecting to find anything. But God was looking for me.

As I did the study, I felt better, a little more refreshed, but still like God was distant. Then, my Bible app sent me the daily verse: Psalm 34:18—”The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

That’s when it hit me: God hadn’t been far away. He was right there all along, even if I couldn’t hear Him. He was with me for every tear I cried, every question I asked. And when I finally stopped trying to do it all on my own and fell at His feet, that’s when He revealed Himself to me. I had to let go of my pride and realize that, for Him to speak, I had to be willing to listen.

So, if you feel like you’re in that 400-year silent period, I know it’s tough. But keep trusting Him. Eventually, you’ll hear His voice loud and clear. Just keep looking up.

Since starting college, I’ve had to explain to many people where I’m from. They ask about my accent, wonder if everyone sounds like me, and often make jokes since they’ve never heard of my hometown. Honestly, when I left Ramseur almost four years ago, I was more than ready to get out of that small town and see the world—or at least, somewhere that wasn’t home. But over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate where I’m from, especially the people. My community is tight-knit, and while that was annoying growing up — everyone knowing everyone’s business — now, I’m so thankful for it. The past few weeks have been tough, with so many young people passing away back home. Even though I’m not there, I know how much it has shaken my community. It feels like we can’t catch a break. But what I’ve seen, even from a distance, is how everyone is there for each other—comforting, supporting, and praying for one another. I think it’s easy to take the people around us for granted; I know I have in the past. So, while I’m incredibly thankful for the opportunities I’ve had in college and not sure where God will lead me after graduation, one thing is certain: I’ll always have a community back home praying for me. Don’t take for granted the community around you, wherever you are. If you have people willing to pray for you, you’re truly blessed. And even if you don’t know my hometown, I ask that you pray for it. Right now, the people there are hurting.

Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

I’ve been in London for over a week to study abroad. During this time, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. I’ve had so much fun exploring the city and building relationships that will stay with me forever, but there are also moments when I miss my family, my home, and the comfort it brings. (Like air conditioning.) Looking back on this past week, I could tell you about many things God has been teaching me. However, there’s one thing that stands out. But first, you need some context to understand where I’m coming from.

I come from a small town where everyone waves or smiles as they pass by, but let me tell you, they don’t do that here in London. In the first few days, I was amazed at how few people smiled or waved; they just kept walking like they were on a mission. With that in mind, it was very hard for me to adapt. I felt like I was on an alien planet—until this past Sunday.

I have a friend from school who’s also a believer, and we decided to try a church here in London. It was big and different from what I’m used to, but boy, did I feel God in that place. The preacher spoke about Jonah and how he ran from what God wanted him to do. One thing he said stood out to me: like Jonah, we have to get going; what God has for us isn’t just for us. God showed Jonah who He was and how much He had in store for him, but He also saved many people through Jonah. And that’s what those people in that church did, without even realizing it. No, they didn’t save me, but they showed me that there are good people everywhere, people who love Jesus and want to share His love with others.

If I had only looked at the people on the sidewalk, I wouldn’t have seen the goodness of God in others. So, I want to challenge you to look at yourself. In your day-to-day life, would others see God’s love in you? Would they feel welcomed, or would they feel like running in the opposite direction? I know it’s hard to live this way in today’s world when life gets so busy and our worries and burdens pile up. But I’m thankful that those people in that church showed me their love for God—it made me feel less alone, especially in such a foreign place.

So, friend, I encourage you to put on your best game face, because you never know who might need to see it. It might even be someone you’ll never speak to.

It’s hard being alone, and I don’t mean the “I’m single and want a relationship” type of alone. I mean the type of alone where you spend most of your days by yourself. I’ve been experiencing this since I got home from college for the summer. I went from hanging out with someone or a group of people every single night to hanging out with people maybe once a week, and usually, it’s just my sister.

At first, I was upset. I missed my friends and having plans. But as time went on, I realized it was a blessing in disguise. I have more time to focus on my relationship with God, to really look at myself and my life, and try to become the woman God wants me to be. Sometimes people can become a distraction, and they don’t mean to. It’s not their fault. It’s human nature to want to be around other people. God said it himself in Genesis, we aren’t meant to be alone. But I think God can single us out sometimes to wake us up, to call us back to Him, and to help us realize that our relationship with Him should be the most important relationship we have.

So, maybe you’re home for the summer and can’t wait to be back with your friends, or you moved somewhere and miss your family. I want to encourage you to look at this time alone as a blessing instead of a bad thing. Ask God what He wants you to learn from this season and ask Him to help you grow not only as a person but as a Christian. Really use this time to focus on Him. Trust me, it’ll help you.

So, last semester was a bit of a roller coaster for me, especially with exams and this intense group project that determined my grade. So, after a particularly draining group meeting, I called my grandma for some moral support.

I asked her to pray for my sanity and success because I was seriously stressed out. And you know what she said? “Lilly, keep looking up.” That hit me hard, and then suddenly, I felt this weight lift off my shoulders.

Cutting to the chase, things worked out. The Lord came through, and I aced that class. Now, I’m sharing this because life has this knack for throwing curveballs, right? Sometimes, causing you to freeze, not sure where to go next. But if I’ve learned anything from my grandma and my Christian walk, it’s that we have to keep looking up. We as Christians aren’t meant for this world, we’re meant for another one. So, the walk we walk while being here isn’t going to be perfect and won’t be easy. That’s why we need to keep our eyes on the one that holds the day. 

So, if you’re starting a new semester or if you’re struggling with things, you don’t tell others about, I urge you to continue to look up, even when you’re not feeling like it.

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11

This year has been quite a challenge, marked by the painful loss of loved ones and the relentless demands of life. Finding the words to express my thoughts has been a struggle, especially with the approaching holidays. This season will be different; there will be an empty seat at the table, a void left by the absence of a loved one’s jokes, and the need for someone else to step in to cut the turkey. Despite these heartaches, I’ve realized God has given me so much to be thankful for. 

I am grateful for my family, and cherishing moments I’ve shared with those no longer with us. Amid the stress and fatigue, I am thankful for the opportunity to pursue an education at an awesome University.

Lately, I’ve been reading through the book of Job. While I haven’t read the full thing, the journey has taught me valuable lessons about gratitude and the kind of attitude I should maintain. Job, a biblical figure who endures immense loss, teaches us about trust and gratitude. Despite the hardships, Job acknowledges God’s hand in his life, expressing gratitude even in the face of profound loss, “Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell upon the ground, and worshiped…” Job 1:20 Now throughout the book Job has had moments where he has questioned if God was there, but he also put his trust in the one that holds tomorrow, thanking him for being in his life. 

Friend, I acknowledge that we all face battles that may be unknown to others, and there are times when we can’t seem to find anything to be thankful for. Yet, one thing remains certain- as long as we have a relationship with God, we have everything to be thankful for. We see his love for us through the sacrifice of his son on the cross, dying for our sins, so that we may have a way to spend eternity with him. 

If you don’t know or have a relationship with him, be thankful he’s given you time to have that. I encourage you all to name five things you’re thankful for during this season, maybe the list will be short. That’s okay! Just remember God loved you and there is always something to be thankful for, you may just have to dig a little deeper to find it. 

Psalm 107:1 “O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: For his mercy endureth for ever.”

In the world today society likes to tell us females that we shouldn’t want to be feminine, that being feminine means we’re weak, inferior, or less than our male counterparts. Well, the bible shows us that being feminine is beautiful, it doesn’t make us weak. If anything, it makes us strong. I mean as women we have to deal with intense pains once a month, and the only way to get out of it is to give birth to a whole human, so yeah, I’d say we’re pretty strong. 

Many times, when someone tells someone, they are acting like a girl, or acting feminine they mean it as a negative. But the bible doesn’t explain women this way and neither does my mom. My mom has shown me that being a woman is a gift and that we should be proud to be one. My mom is the most beautiful woman I know, natural beauty too, just ask my dad. But it’s my mom’s character that makes her even more beautiful. My mom has shown me how to be courageous and stand up for what I believe in. She’s taught me when to say things and when to bite my tongue. She’s taught me how to work for what I want. But she’s also shown me how to be soft. How to love those who need it and how to be respectful. But most importantly she taught me how to pray, and how my relationship with God will be the most important relationship I will ever have. She’s taught me how to be the woman I am today.

In Proverbs 31 it talks about what a “good wife” acts like, but I believe this could apply to mothers as well. All of these things in this chapter define my mother, but there’s one verse that stands out to me, and that’s verse 26, “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; And in her tongue is the law of kindness.” My mother has lived her life, and in living her life she has wisdom, and wisdom she gives to me and my sister, even if sometimes we don’t want it. I’m thankful for the good godly woman I have as a mother, one who loves God and others and instills those characteristics in her daughters.

Mom, I’m thankful for every time you’ve been willing to listen to me rant about something crazy, cry over some stupid boy, (or test). Been there for every bad and good day. For the times you’ve picked me up when I thought I couldn’t do it on my own, and always being there to give me the best hugs. I truly don’t know what I would do without you in my life.

Paw Paw you taught me a lot in the short 21 years I had with you. But there were three things in particular that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. The first was what hard work was and how if I wanted something in this life I’d have to work for it, it wasn’t going to be handed to me. The second thing was to Keep God at the center of your life. I remember the Saturdays that us grandkids would spend the night at yall’s house and you would always be up way before us, you had checked the barns or done something with the farm and by the time we woke up you were back in the house sitting at the table in the kitchen. We would all file in there to eat breakfast and then go get ready for church. (I mean we would always be a little behind because maw maw and you would be sitting in the car with us making jokes about how long she took) but you always took us to church, something I’m very thankful for. The last thing that you taught me was how I deserved to be loved. I’ve never seen someone love another person like you loved maw maw. You loved to get under her skin, always getting her fired up and you would just be grinning, you’d even throw us a wink when you did it. Your marriage is one I’ll forever look up to and I know it’s because of how much you loved her and how you weren’t afraid to show it. 

You were a quiet person who thought before you spoke and loved with everything you had. You not only told us how much you loved us but showed us too. You would never miss a basketball game and I knew you were there. (You would always be the loudest one screaming boo at the ref.) You would joke with me about Carolina and even though you gave me a hard time you would still wear Carolina blue at times. I will forever miss you and your corny jokes, tropical shirts, and how you called me your girl. I’ll miss your grins and winks, but I know I’ll get to see them again one day in heaven. Where we will go fishing and you’ll be healthy enough to play against me in basketball. I’ll love you forever, and I just pray I live my life like you, where any day could be my last. Have fun in heaven. I hope the crops grow well, you catch plenty of fish, and play a lot of rook. 

My Monday morning started as any would. I woke up, ate and then I headed to the library to get some work done before I went to class. What I didn’t know was that I would be in that library for over three hours.

I got to the library at about 12. I was sitting at a desk, with my headphones on working on some homework for my PR writing class, when all of a sudden, I looked up to see everyone talking to each other, no one focused on the tasks they had been doing. I took my headphones off to ask what was going on when I saw big letters on one of the computers saying we were in lockdown. I then looked on my phone to get an alert Carolina, telling me that there was an active shooter and that we had to stay put. I can’t explain the feelings that went through my head at that moment. I know the first was “No way, this isn’t happening, it would never happen here.” But it was happening and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing but pray. The next hour consisted of me texting all my friends on campus asking if they were safe, but also friends and family from home texting me and asking if I was okay. My answer was the same for all of them, “I’m safe inside a building.” And as far as I knew at that point, that was as safe as I was going to be. None of us knew what was going on. At one point they had the shooter and the next it was the wrong guy. Rumors and theories were spreading like wildfires along with videos and pictures of the building that the shot was taken in, only making us inside more anxious as the hours went by. I never thought I’d have to hear 18 through 20-something-year-olds explain to parents that they were safe, but I bet almost everyone in that room got a call from a concerned parent at some point. A little over three hours later they finally caught the guy and deemed it safe for us to leave. I’m not going to lie, I was afraid. I was afraid to walk outside. I had met a girl and had another friend in the building, so we all decided to walk out together. I was heading to meet some friends who lived in my dorm, so as I walked there I took it all in. There were so many people, all hurrying to make it home, to make it somewhere they felt safe. I saw friends uniting, friends crying as they hugged each other. My friends and I even got emotional as we met up, thankful to just see each other and be able to talk to each other. This experience scared me. It made me look at this campus in a way I never thought I would. The things I love about this campus now scare me. I used to love how open it was, but now I’m afraid it’s too open. I used to love the big classes and all of the people, but now I’m afraid one person could do something awful again. I’m also afraid that I won’t be able to have another normal day, or that something is going to happen as I step out of the door for class for the first time again. But as a Christian, I also know I don’t need to be afraid, that “This too shall pass.” So, as scary as this day is, how traumatic and how devastating it is. I know the one who holds the day. And I know that God will help me get through this, I mean he kept me and the people I love safe during this. I know it will take a while for my campus to heal and I know it will never be the same. But I also know that God will be there every step of the way and for these things, I can praise him. But I ask you to do one thing, I ask you to pray. Pray for the victims’ family, pray for the students, pray for our campus, and just pray for our country as a whole. It’s a scary day we live in, but I know with God, he can make it a little less scary. 

I’ve been trying to write something for the past month, but nothing has felt right. And then these past few weeks tragedy struck my hometown. Three young people I knew from my community passed away. Two of them I was close with growing up. Initially, I wanted to write about how God can give you peace in any situation, or that when something tragic like this happens you need to stay close to God, so you don’t become numb. But as I was sitting there thinking about these things, I knew that If I told you these things then I would have to live up to them, and I’m not quite sure I can. While I am at peace now, I wasn’t, and who knows If I will be when something else in my life happens. That’s the same thing as feeling numb. Right now, I’m letting my emotions free and I’m talking to God about how I’m feeling, but again who knows if I’ll do this later down the road. So, while these experiences may have not taught me those things, God used them to teach me something else.  

The first thing is life is short, you never know when you or someone you love may pass. And losing someone you love will hurt, but this doesn’t mean we should stop loving, if anything we should love more. Last year my grandpa got sick, and seeing the way my grandmother was broke me. The love they have for each other is unreal, but the pain I saw in her eyes and her voice honestly scared me. I became afraid to love because I was afraid to lose that love. I even decided that I would stay single because it had to be better than going through that heartache. And if you know me you know how big of a romantic, I am so it was tough. I talked to a friend about how I was feeling, and we began to read a book by C.S. Lewis called, “The Four Loves.” This book allowed me to realize how great loving someone truly is, and how it is better to love someone and lose them, rather than to not have that love at all. I believe this goes with any type of relationship. Romantic, friendships, and even animals. I know I am super thankful to have loved and known those two friends than to have not known them at all. So, while their passing did hurt, I’m grateful for the opportunity I had to love them. 

The second thing I learned was at the funeral of sweet Madi. I wrote about Madi’s testimony before but boy her testimony was still going strong even after death. My mom said she preached her own funeral, and she did. On social media there were many things written or posted about Madi, most of them talking about her faith and her testimony, how her story helped people even after she passed. I thought to myself, will people be able to talk about me like that? I’m not saying this for you to comment on anything, but for you to look deep down and think if you were to go today how would people talk about you, more importantly, would your faith even be a point of conversation? 

So, with all that being said, don’t stop loving. But also, don’t forget the reason we’re here. Tell those you love and even strangers about the Love God has for them, so that one day when they do go, you know you’ll see them in heaven someday. 

My spring break looked a little different this year. Instead of going home or somewhere warm with a beach, I went to NYC where the high all week was in the 50s. I did get to go sightseeing. That wasn’t the reason for going, it was for a mission trip with my campus ministry. I’m not saying this to get any praise because if you want to know the truth I didn’t want to go. The weekend before I had gotten sick, and I just wanted to be at home with my mom. I also had been struggling with my faith, mad at God for things I didn’t understand. So, in all honesty I went in there expecting nothing and going because I had spent money to go and didn’t want it to be wasted. The first day we were there we had gotten split into three different groups and were sent to different campuses. They gave us resources to use to talk to others on campus about God and have those difficult conversations. I was in this new place going somewhere where I was sure these people would laugh in my face, I was terrified, and I still didn’t feel qualified because I was struggling. How was I supposed to help anyone when it felt like my head was hardly above water? Because of recent incidents, I thought that God had left me, that he didn’t hear my cries, and that I had to go through the pain alone. Well, he answered in the very first conversation.  We got to the college, and I was paired with one of my friends and then a leader at that college. We went up to a girl sitting in the cafeteria and asked if she had time to do a survey and sat down. The leader did most of the talking. The girl was a Muslim and I didn’t have many interactions with other religions so I was thankful he was talking, but I was also thinking there was no way this girl is going to accept Christ, I mean from what little I knew Muslims were so strong in their beliefs and I doubted that God could or would do anything,(because I felt like that’s how it was going in my life.) The more the girl talked the more she opened up, about how she felt so stressed, how she felt so alone, things Christians and non-Christians have felt before. I talked a little about my experience and how my relationship with God had helped me get through that, even if I had forgotten that recently. Well, we got through the questions, and we asked her if she wanted a personal relationship with Jesus, and she did. On my very first day in New York, I was able to see someone accept Christ. I saw someone lost and struggling desperately searching for love and then finding him. It was a very emotional encounter for me, not only because I saw someone accept Christ, but because my view of the God I serve changed completely. It allowed me to remember that I was once that girl, I was lost and searching for something, and he came to me, that he loved me then and he still loves me now. He had never left me; he was still there and even used a nonbeliever to remind me of that. The rest of the week I went into those conversations thinking differently. I prayed that I would say what I needed to that could help those who were hurting. I went in expecting God to move, even if I didn’t see the fruit right then. He did, I met so many people who could relate to what I had gone through. I met Christians that felt unheard or felt like a burden to God. I made friends, we laughed, and we cried. I learned a lot during the trip and could probably write three more pages about it but here are my top three. The first is that God does love you, he loves you so much and all the time, he cares what you’re going through, and he just wants you to trust in him. The second is that you don’t know why you go through the valleys, but you go through them for a reason. You may not know why right then and there and you may never know, but I do know that if I hadn’t gone through those dark times, then I may not have been able to connect with those I talked to like I did and the third is that he provides, I made friends in NYC but I also made deeper connections with those who went on that trip with me. I now have more people I can go to when things get rough. So, I encourage you to stand strong, you will have times when your faith falters but don’t give up, you never know how God can use your story. I also encourage you to start those hard conversations, you never know whose life could change just by starting that conversation. And finally, it’s okay to let others in, that’s eventually how you heal, God didn’t want us going through this life alone. I didn’t write this to get the praise, I wrote this to praise the one that changed my life and has changed many lives around me. 

” Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”

Matthew 28:20